Something I learned this weekend

No one cares that you're driving on a donut after having a nail in your tire...even though you're still going the speed limit and in the slow lane. They will still ride on your bumper, flip you off, and flash their brights. I love you too a-hole in the BMW, and will return the favor if I ever see you in distress.

Ear Spider

I woke up on Sunday, showered, did my routine: Deodorant, Face Cream, Q-Tip, and there were two little black dashes on my swab...hmmm...weird...so I grabbed another, an itty bitty body with 1 leg...then 1 more...a few more dashes.

Now, I would love to pretend it was just dirt, but i'm pretty sure it was a spider, and that it was gross.

Dear Spiders,

Please stop sleeping in my ear. You will die if you sleep in my ear. Instead choose the corner between my shower and sink and I will name you and leave you alone.

Love,

Me

Things That Make Me Go "Hmmm"

Sitting in my cube I overheard a quick exchange of pleasantries (I was trying to phrase that in 'lamo speak')

"Thank You"

"You're very welcome"

Now, my question on that is, she didn't say "thank you very much" so why are you "very welcome"? That's almost presumptuous in my opinion, you're giving a more gracious welcome than they gave thanks...so then the person that said thank you feels like an arse because they didn't add the "very much".

Just rambling.

Rhino

I saw this movie last night...3D...for free...and I loved it! Any movie where a hamster is named Rhino is my type of flick.

The Scariest Mascot EVER

Who thought of this creature? Who drew this out, made the costume, threw it on this guy, and said "Wow, something about a creepy pedophile looking pig makes me want to put my money in his pockets"

Well they're wrong, it makes me want to hide under the covers with a flashlight and a string of garlic.

My Saving Grace

My lips would fall off if it wasn't for this miracle goop. Seriously, does anyone else find that all brands of chapstick/lip balms, etc just evaporate off their lips no matter how many layers are caked on? It's madness I tell you, madness!

Saturday Night I...

saw Camp Freddy play with :

Dave Navarro, Steve Jones (Sex Pistols), Slash (Guns N' Roses, Velvet Revolver), Billy Morrison (The Cult), Cypress Hill, Steve Stevens (Billy Idol), Macy Gray, Darling Stilettos, Mark McGrath, Billy Duffy (The Cult), Matt Sorum(Guns N' Roses, Velvet Revolver), Donovan Leitch, Chris Chaney (Jane's Addiction), Xzibit...and Ozzy Osbourne!

Wow.

What did you do?

Hey Man Slow Down

Nothing on this planet calms me the way OK Computer does. Thank You Radiohead for saving shreds of my sanity.

Today

The air in the office smells like the Holidays. I'm not sure what that means...could be something toxic flowing through the central air.

He Knew He Would Be Bored

So he brought knitting to his child's graduation. Congratulations Father of the Year.

RIP Hairdryer

I killed it. He died peacefully and left me with half dried hair and the smell of burning.

**Update, it rose from the dead! it's a miracle**

In the Life of....

An omnivore (me) dating a vegan (him). My main tip: always have a bag of cheese on hand. Cheese...Mmmmm.

Things That Bug Me

When did people stop using turn signals? As far as I know they're still a feature on EVERY car and yet people decide to squeeze into the 2 inch space between me and the car in front of me without letting me know they're going to do it. A-holes. My only defense is a tacky middle finger, obnoxious horn honk, or an evil look and shake of the head (which I find most effective)

Just 1 of 8000 reasons for my road rage (possible insanity is #2)

Question

Why are Jello Pudding Cups so delicious but Jello Instant Pudding tastes like balloons? What am I doing wrong when I make it myself?

Things I Stumbled Upon

I found this gorgeous specimen while apple picking. We packed her up and took her home. She now lives in our bathtub and feasts on soap.

Wisdom For Today

Don't eat the black peanuts. They're either burnt or not peanuts. Either way, you'll be glad you listened to my advice.

People I Love, And Their Pumpkins

People I Love, and Their Shoes

How To Decorate A Cake

When you have a family with 3 extremely gifted daughters...this is what happens

If You Have Some Braincells to Kill

Degrassi, the next generation is always there for you. Seriously, the marathon was on this weekend. The plots are outrageous, the acting is horrible, I'm way to old to be watching high school dramas, and yet there we sat, while JT was stabbed and killed at a highschool party after deciding to get back with his once knocked up ex (oatmeal) and leave the current gal (meatball sub)? I need a pet.

Travel Tips

When craving sugar, never underestimate the deliciousness of car floor candy. I went home to Boston for the weekend to celebrate my Dad's 50th and voila! This tasty little morsel was waiting for me. Ick, gross.

Things To Remember At The Zoo

Don't hover your palm over the turtle. They break out in a rash and get irritable.

Word to the Wise

Don't feed the angry beast any popcorn, it upsets them. They're cool with Twizzlers though.

When In Doubt

Always order the Chicken and Waffles.

Things That Bring Me Comfort

Even pumpkins puke after a few cocktails. Classy.

Money Saving Tips

When there's a birthday and you have $3...buy a 2 week old goose stamp cake for $2.50 and call it art.

Things I Learned in College

20 year old men still sleep with stuffed animals. I'd like to introduce you to Poopdick.

Things You Might Not Know

My Cat loves me...and shows it with bites and scratches and hissing.

My Superpowers

I am the ultimate Under the Sea Cupcake decorator...oh yeah and Caroline helped.

Things that make me a dork

I love Harry Potter...and Robots...if they could make a Harry Potter Robot I would probably offer up my first born.

Things that bug me

Horse Gums...smile smaller maybe? No, no, be yourself, I'll just look away and do a little dry heave, but seriously, how does that happen?

Things that make me smile

Llamas. I can't explain it, I just love their hillbilly faces.

Things I know about myself

I am not so good on a snowshoe.

Things I know about others

My Boyfriend Hates Bacon...I have a sudden craving for a B.L.T.

Observation...

Standing on something makes you taller

Things I know about myself

My "Sexy" face is more of a "horse with peanut butter on it's gums" face

Random Thought

I might be hotter if we still lived in the 80's.

Things that make me smile

Sheppard's Pie. Yumm.

Things that bug me

Men with short pants and cheap looking shoes (aka dirty sneakers)... or men with casual cargos and shiny dress shoes. yuck. you scream douchebag from the hilltops.